Living in the Possible

Now as we are having constant and consistent reminders of where we are heading. Of where we are going. As we make the movements forward from a year of silence, there is a feeling of how hard it was to just take a small step. When you lean back and take it all in, there is the sometimes head shaking back and forth as we remind ourselves that it just seems so hard.

On that point then there is the "ying" of the "yang" thought of "that was easy'. What we had built up in our heads as the laundry list of achieving the next move.

The realization that we spent way too much time pondering the how to do it and the reality of "what was I thinking".

As this post started to develop this song started in my head......

Talking in circles maybe but not really. In a movie play, or a concert, in order for that excursion to be deemed a success, it would have to do the following.

A Visual and Emotional escape.

For a brief moment, someone else was driving the day while you watched. While you waited. A moment of change for the better or at least show you how.

A laugh.

A tear.

A joy. What I had started with on this blog was my attempt to throw you into a whirling thinking spiral that made you want to keep reading until I laid out the answers.

We have to be reminded of who we are as humans. We have to constantly be lifted out of the pain and sadness and be reminded it has always been a choice.

We face coming back better from COVID-19 now.

Indeed, some of us will unload pajamas for suits or scrunches for stylized hair, and paint lips with lipstick instead of Chapstick.

We might still want to wear pajama bottoms with double-breasted jackets if we work from home on Zoom; but still, it will laughter, that bargain medicine, that will get us through all our what was I thinking as I look in the rear view mirror in my car.“Oh, my God! I look like Pebbles or a punk-haired skateboarder. That’s not what I was going for today.”

Oh to enjoy pulling up to the Starbucks window and making a decision of whether to go inside or drink the coffee libation alone in my car.

You can come up with all kinds of scenes as they play out on your head. When we one by one realize of the war we all came thru as a planet. As we slowly heal and our memory begins to sharpen. "I can't tell you how many times I came running into a room and had no idea why I was there". At least I have stopped putting my journal in the freezer.

Maybe a freudian slip of my life being frozen in time.

One of the looming thoughts were that he people that I did not care for last year remained in my list of not to do's and even though I had the time whether I wanted the to one by one rememberance of some of the incredible as well as no time for losers that I choose to forgive, re-establish my memories or them or like the water going down the drain as I washed my dishes and not give them another thought. I hope you kept up with me on that last sentence. Those thoughts are worth the journey.

So this is For you. For you, I would travel to outer space

Take a bullet to the heart just to keep you safe

For you, anything for you.

I have given myself permission to grieve over the many souls lost over the past year. Experience the sadness and let it go away.

A great gift I gave back to myself was my gift of music. When you lose a mother, father or loved one, there are things that disappear in your life along with them. For me it was the music in me. For myself I forgot the joy of belting out a song and the more I sang the better and stronger the music became in my moments,

I had stopped singing when Mom passed but the silence has ended. My mother loved hearing me sing whenever and wherever I can. Those moments I become lost in the song and imagining myself on the stage and the spotlight to all of a sudden realize that the car next to me in traffic had watched me carry on. In tribute to my new fans, i pushed the window button to let down all the windows in the car as I sang even louder to them as they tried to act like they were not watching me sing "Forget your troubles, Come on get Happy".

I had lost the inspiration of so many verses and songs that have lifted me over the years and the melancholy moments of staring out the window with a scotch on the rocks in hand as I sang "You've got a friend".

Or the moment I am looking in the mirror and realizing how insanely beautiful i have become as I sing "This is Me".

Music is back in my life again. The sadness of my Mom has morphed into the joys of the times as I sing to her. As I become the rainbow that looms over her spirit for all time.

This is just one of the soul and heart feels returning things that have come back to my very full life that I chose to have and of the person that I am.

For those that have not experienced the same things I have might have a longer push up the hill as things open up to them again. The things that isolated us before the pandemic are still there and dependent on how we shielded ourselves and the choices made will direct us all back to it.

Back to all of it!

No longer can we use the excuse of nothing open so we can't get it done.

One of the things I pursued over the past year was to reconnect with some of the things I had discovered from meeting my closest ties and relationships and the joys they had brought me. If they passed the test of still making me smile as I so them in my head, then they got a pass on anything they think bothered me about them. It's the very things that bothered me that made them so endearing.

For me accepting them as they are and just letting them be as they are is the most sincere way I can love them.

My creativity has reminded me of how many gifts I have been given. Of how powerful my words are to some and how life changing it is to just hug and tell someone how much you love them, Of how much you miss them.

Please if you can remember anything at all from what we all have come out of then think about this.

Make no mistake, the fact that this miracle vaccine appeared and how spot on almost perfect it has contained the virus should remind you, should remind me. There is really a much stronger entity that surrounds us.

That watches us. That hears our own brief intimate thoughts as quickly as think them.

A force that created us all that can also take us away.

The lessons that we all learned from this pandemic will reveal their messages as we are ready to understand them. My favorite phrase, "There are no coincidences". Whatever your experience is from all this is your personally designed moment and a whisper from the universe.

"We are all in this together"!!!

But beyond that, so did stories about the people and projects that stayed strong during and despite the pandemic. From an assistant director who creates space for foster children in her heart and home, to life-changing advancements in how we manage peanut allergies, to good news about the benefits of fetal surgery, these stories leave us thankful for our healthcare workers, scientists, and staff — the heroes who make the research engine rumble every day.

For myself the hours and hours of listening mainly to the different things so many of my gifted friends as they share themselves with me on a more intimate level because they were just so raw. My own do something as I bolted to so many demonstrations and marches. Of how I survived marching with my gay and people of color in Hollywood as to remind us that all lives matter and had no case of the virus present. The one by one stories from so many that were scared to tell me they had covid. One of the many things I am most proud is I was there for you.

Each and everyone of you.

Whether or not it was enough. What matters is "I am enough".

We won’t repeat the litany of misfortunes that befell so many people, and instead note that each new disaster often brought out the best in humanity. Ordinary people learned what they could about how to protect themselves and others.

How can I forget the Italians across the country that took to their balconies to sing together, closing the distance between them with music. Of the Communal singing that also brought people together in Lebanon and Israel.

Over in Spain, people in one apartment complex even joined together for a group fitness class at a distance, squatting and doing jumping jacks from their balconies. For me going through gallons of vanilla yogurt and the look on my face as I looked in the mirror and my stomach was looked like I was carrying twins.

Hysterical!!! I can be funny sometimes. Laughter and Music were and still are my greatest friends.

I just wanted to celebrate with all of you some of my personal moments and to share with you my own messages of hope and my bond with the universe. I am thankful for all of you. I am thankful for myself. So lets Sing!!

I wanted to share one my most favorite songs from a Korean K Drama.

You are my destiny

You share my reverie

You are my happiness

That's what you are

And so I sing.......